Next week is Thanksgiving. Time for the annual Thanksgiving meal with family. Thanksgiving dinner is more than just food. It is more than turkey and dressing, ham and mash potatoes. It is more than candied yams and cranberry sauce. Thanksgiving is about family, friends and conversation.
When the holidays come we are often reminded of the diversity of our families. Sitting at the table are Republicans and Democrats, Christians and Non-Christians, Introverts and Extroverts. There are alot of different personalities gathered around the table: good and bad. It is the reality of family. As I have always said, “You can pick your friends but you can’t pick your family.”
So in light of all these things I have developed some ground rules for a successful holiday dinner. There are Good Topics and Topics to be avoided at all costs. (Warning: Some of these discussions are tongue in cheek:) )
Good Topics (Neutrality is always grand):
1. Black Friday shopping. While waiting for dinner, break out the ads and discuss what you will buy the day after Thanksgiving. Create a competition between the different family members to see who can go into the most debt before Christmas.
2. Football -Whether it is College Football or Pro, makes little difference. We should just be thankful that God created football. Eat and then sit around and watch the game. If you want to make peace with the family, always make sure you root against the Dallas Cowboys (right Judy?).
3. Food – A good subject while eating is what we will eat for the next meal. I have always found it relaxing, while eating Turkey and dressing, to discuss another type of food; such as Mexican. As Americans it is our right to be thinking about the next meal.
4. Exercise – Discuss your weight loss plan and compare notes with the others. It is a good time to learn what works and what doesn’t work. It is also a good time to evaluate the plans that do work. If someone suggests a good diet or exercise program but they have gained weight since last Thanksgiving, simply smile and agree, but find someone else’s plan.
Topics Not To Discuss (Mood Killers)
1. Politics – We are only weeks after the election, there are some at the table who would love to gloat. Others who are still depressed. It is not the occasion to bring up your political persuasion. This is the quickest way for the dinner to end in a family feud. If you are Republican and would like to get one over on the family, quietly get up from the table, non-chalantly switch the channel from ESPN to Fox News and be re-seated. If you are a Democrat, simply switch to any of the other 86 news stations.
2. Religion – Most religion is okay to discuss, just do not discuss Christianity. It is never a good idea to bring your Bible to the dinner. Most families have a wide array of opinions that will create a certain dispute. But if you are a fun-loving person, simply bring your Bible and discuss what Presidential Candidate was the right one biblically. (See #1)
3. Kids – Always choose to stay away from the subject of kids. No matter how good your kids are, everyone else’s are better at sports, school or church.
I hope this helps. These are lessons that you can apply to any dinner with the family. Just to remind you, alot of this was written as satire. But if you would like to send it to Dear Abby for her to use, feel free. Just sign my name, Family Figured Out, Rogers Arkansas.
Life of a Pastor Blog 
Judy left for Victoria this evening. Her mother in law is having some type surgery in the morning. Tentatively Judy will be home tomorrow evening but that depends how Mrs. Zampini is after surgery.
GO COWBOYS!!! I have always heard that the chicken that lays the egg cackles the loudest. It amazes me how people who say they dislike the cowboys so much always know their records of wins and losses. Since I don’t care for the COLTS I don’t keep up with their records. But all
COWBOY haters seem to keep very close tabs on them.
You can rest assured I will be in front of the tv on thanks-giving day cheering with all my might. Open your door that day so you can hear me scream for them when they do good. And may you and yours have a very Happy
Thanksgiving. Sorry this comment is so long, but it was important to set the record straight. ALL THE WAY THE SUPER BOWL>
It sounds to me like you have a complex against anyone who isn’t a Cowboy fan. I have been threatened before by your type but never has someone screamed at me about football. If you spent more time at church rather than skipping for the game you might have your passion under control by now. Since I have been gone, I can tell you are starting to go downhill. I knew I was the only one holding you together. 🙂 Long live the Colts!
You should know by now that I do not stay home to watch
the cowboys, I would rather give the preacher a hard time. I am sorry to see that you cannot take a little correction from an elder. Thank God we are not all alike, some of us have compassion and also can understand how people have differences of likes and dislikes and do not normally put other people down for that. We just ignore them and go on, but when they continue to insult you, you try to explain and straighten them out.
If you are so sure you held me together (which I’m not saying you did or didn’t) then come back and keep gluing.
I should know better than to attack the Cowboy’s on the internet. It seems if you cross a Cowboy’s fan it is like crossing the Mafia (I am not saying this because you are Italian). However, I do want to apologize if I came across harsh on my elders. I never thought of you as an elder because you look much younger than you really are. As for straightening you out, I know I was thinking more highly of myself than I should. You do not need straightening out, some things are very uselful when they are not straight ie. boomerrangs.
I just love arguing with you. Flattery will get you any
where. I told you a long time ago that I knew my calling from God was to keep preachers straight. By the way or you coming to serve cookies and hot chocolate for the Christmas parade. Its no fun any more, all those old
people just don’t want to do anything. I sure do miss
you, but Bro. Edgar and James are really giving me a hard
time. I would love to get a peek at Hannah. Josh would worry about me when I left the Platform and come check on me, and Sonja was just to nice to me, but I still miss you. Love you all hope to maybe see you soon.
This blog entry is pure genius – I can’t believe I’m so far behind, and I missed having this vital information for the holidays. I shall file it away for next year.